KELLY SHEEHAN
- Sep 23, 2018
- 4 min read

Dear Ben, mucho love

Updated: Sep 27, 2018

This post is something completely different than what I have posted in the past. Before I get into this blog here is some preliminary information. First of all, if anyone reads this and doesn’t speak English and Spanish, get a dictionary. Or learn Spanish. The world is just a melting pot of cultures, you have no excuses(also you can probably use google translate since I only used a few Spanish words). Second, I would be surprised if there is anyone that doesn’t know Ben and I have been dating for just under a year now and we had to say goodbye. However, I did do a good job making most people believe he was just my sugar daddy. Sin embargo, this post is solely in response to a blog that you posted to say goodbye to me. Something that I would never really do because I don’t necessarily want the whole world to see how vulnerable I am, but you left me no choice. Before I get started Ben, you need to know one thing.

You made me cry in Target.

So here goes nada.

Dear Ben,

Thank you for asking me to go out with you “for real” a million times over Thanksgiving break. I’m glad I said yes. Thank you for reminding me why I am in love with our hometown. The most important thing I want to thank you for is; trying to get me to slow down and reminding me to have fun. Sorry, I still haven’t slowed down.

While I sit here almost 4000 miles away from you, I still hear your voice in my head making fun of all my quirks. I imagine introducing you to my Ecuadorian host family and you trying to tell them that you speak better Spanish than I. I can hear you giggling in the background to Belinda Blinked. And I can hear you trying to explain all these different things to me that you think you know so well because you watched a video on youtube about it ;)

I actually forgot to thank you for one really important thing. For fully supporting me in every single one of my dreams. To be honest, I don’t know if I would have had the cojones to move to a different country all alone if I didn’t have you constantly telling me that I can do absolutely anything (sorry for the sexist word choice, I should have said guts). Honestly, you motivated me to try my best to be the change that I want to see in the world. You inspired me to be strong and independent. You encouraged me to do the unthinkable.

So while I’m sitting here, 4000 miles away from you, and while I sit here asking you on a whatsapp video chat when you are going to visit, it still feels like you are here with me.

I wonder if each and every choice we make is already predetermined by a greater being, then could we have chosen an alternate route? So while we are both on these journeys of a lifetime, I’m glad I got to help you begin yours, and hope you come visit me on mine.

While I sit here 4000 miles away, I ask myself these three questions;

If we don’t see each other for months and maybe even a year, could we really be together? Or can it really feel like nothing has changed if we get together again?

I never had a good experience with long distance relationships, and I know neither have you. Has anyone ever thrived in a ldr?

And what scares me the most is that I don’t know where my life will lead after this journey. I get why you are so worried about your trip. You gave yourself a crazy goal. You don’t need to have your life figured out within three months. I know I call you an old man almost every single day, but you are only 25 years old. I don’t think I know a single person that has their life all figured out. I actually think that every day we just get a little bit closer. The thing is though, I still keep asking myself, si ¿puedo imaginar los desconocidos de mi vida entrelazada con los tuyos?

The desconocido that scares me the most is that I don’t know if either of us will ever know the answers to these questions.

Entonces, while I sit here 4000 miles away from you, I hope you’re thinking of me. I hope you hear me picking on all of your quirks. I hope you hear me complaining that you’re late again. I hope you hear me calling you handsome thirty times a day. Y por fin, lo más importante, I hope you start to see all the reasons I have to love you.